Friday, July 30

Chapter One:

In which Elwood begins his discourses on life, the universe, and various things, and we listen attentively, because it may be on the test.

As many people know, graduating from college does not mean that you get a job. It's not like at McDonalds, where you order your meal, pay for it, then drive off with it in a nice little bio-degradable recycled plastic bag containing a recycled non-bio-degradable burger with "Special Sauce" (which, incidentally, is a mixture of mayo and ketsup).

No, when you graduate from college, you are merely handed a slip of paper which deems you unworthy of menial burger-flipping, and underqualified for the job you want to have (such as VP).

Instead, you must go out job hunting to find just the right job for you with your degree (i.e., any job that will hire you). However, on your way to this all important job, you have to apply at every conceivable position which is remotely associated with the desired job (for example: if you desire to be editor of a newspaper, you apply for sorter in the mail-room).

After having been rejected from these jobs numerous times, you re-apply at the more likely ones to hire you (like the underling of the mail-sorter). until you have completely exhausted those possibilities, and had "we've already filled the position" and "we'll keep you in mind" said to you too many times to count.

Your immediate next step is to wait and scan the classifieds for anything in your realm of expertise. For some majors, this is harder than others. If, for instance, you were an art major, you will be looking for jobs that require "a vast knowledge of how to use a glue-stick," if a psychology major, "psycho-analyze for fun and profit," or, if an English major, "can diagram sentences."

That is when you finally realize that majoring in French Bio-Chemestry of the middle ages may have been too narrow a field for your major, and so you expand your range of possible job options (i.e., anything including the words "no experience necessary").

But if you persevere, you will be able, finally, after dilligent effort, trial and error, to get that all elusive job you have been seeking for the last three month, and you can finally say with pride:
"Would you like fries with that?"


At 11:02 PM, Blogger Justin said...

Actually, in my case, it's: "Do you want data disks with that?" or "Hello. Basic computer help hotline." Oh how the times change.

At 3:52 PM, Blogger andy mac said...

in my case, it would be "You want spikes with that? Maybe a small order of stuffed blocks?"


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