Saturday, October 2

Chapter 13:

In Which Josh Takes a Perfectly Good Essay and Edits it, Adding His Own Comments and Changing Small Things.
From an Essay by Aiko Yamada Entitled: Maps or Spam?

The letters of the word “Maps” arranged in reverse order spells “Spam.” This connection between these two seemingly unrelated items could be a coincidence, but perhaps there is more to this phenomenon than mere chance. I believe there is an important connection between these two vastly different items, which I will attempt to explain in the following paragraphs.
Using a map indicates that one is traveling to a different location than one is in at the present moment. This may be a short distance -- for example, to a friend’s house fifteen minutes away -- or, on the other hand, it could be as far removed Florida from California. In any case, whatever the distance, it is a well-known fact that the human body must be sustained with food at periodic times throughout the day. If one happens to be traveling durring the noon hour, one will wish to partake of food at some near point in time.
Let us take, then, these two scenarios:
  1. Say, for instance, that one is visiting a friend whom one has not seen in quite some time, and that said visit has been scheduled for 12:30 pm. Unspoken social custom would decree that one’s friend would offer a meal to the visiting party, or, at the very least, something to snack on, as this is the approximately time for lunch. However, if this friend does not offer sustenance, one will spend one’s time conversing in a very unpleasant state of hunger. This situation must be avoided at all costs.
  2. In the case of long distance travel, one might find oneself driving for several hours across flat territory with no adequate places to stop and eat for miles at a time. Bringing food along on the trip is always a wise thing to do, but snacking on chips and candy, while enjoyable, is neither healthy nor wise. Snacks will not provide the nutrition one’s body needs to endure the long drive.
The answer to the problem in both these scenarios is Spam.

Spam is a meat-substance made from various animal parts that requires no refrigeration. It can be stored in one’s car for any emergency, long trips or short trips alike. Spam will provide sustenance for the traveler who visits a callous friend and the adventurer who treks across the country.
Some might argue that eating a map is far superior in taste and nutritional qualities to eating Spam, but to this I say: Spam has more nutritious value than eating a thin layer of wood pulp, however appetizing said wood pulp may be.
Therefore, in order to be prepared for any situation that arises, the wisest course of action when traveling is to keep a tin of Spam with one’s map in the glove compartment of one's car.


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