Tuesday, November 16

Chapter 15

In Which We See if Chickens Can Float

I've often wondered to myself what amazing feats Chickens can do... and I can't think of any. I mean, how many chickens have ever won the Congressional Medal of Valor, or the Nobel Peace Prize, or a coloring contest, for that matter? None.

So what good are chickens? In this essay, I plan to tell you some interesting things I have learned about chickens and, hopefully, a desire to explore others for yourself.

  1. Chickens are good typers.

This is somewhat misleading, because we always compare a chicken's typing skills with our own, and, more often than not, we are better typists. And while I don't think you should run out and hire one as your secretary, I will reitterate: chickens are good typers. In fact, I could honestly say, chickens are the best typers in the entire animal kingdom! If you don't believe me, then just ask a cow.

A few years ago, when the cows were starting, what they now term, The Great Rebellion, Cows were in need of a way to keep in contact with other herds across the globe, and, while the internet was readily accessable to them, when they started trying to type an e-mail, they found that they were stuck: their hooves couldn't be controlled. So the cows began trying other animals for their secretaries, and found, through trial and error, that, though the common gerbil was good, the chicken was best. Possibly because of their great beak/eye coordination. The woodpecker was fast, yes, but the cows wanted better accuracy.

2. Chickens float.

While this fact may not amaze and astound you, think back a few years to the wreck of the Matilda Gene off the coast of South America... Chile I think.

The boat was shipping poultry to somewhere other than where they originated from (I think they were headed to Tierra Del Fuego) when they struck a huge rock. The boat was going down fast, but the captain didn't give up. He let all the chickens free, and told his men to swim for shore. However, when once released, the chickens floated there in the ocean (some sort of chemical reaction with their feathers I think) and the crew roped them together into rafts and made it safely to shore.

So there you go!


At 9:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How well I remember the "Matilda Gene Incident", as it was later called. You may not be aware of the investigation by the SAPSA (South American Poultry Shipping Association). In particular, one Ramon de la Vega Montoya de la Cruz, became interested in the circumstances leading to the alleged "striking of the huge rock". Upon close investigation and secret interviews of the crew members, it was found that there was suspicious poultry activity aboard the Matilda Gene just prior to the shipwreck. It seems that several chickens were seen dipping their feathers into a "creamy tuna-like fluid".

However, the ship has never been found, and by the time poultry and crewmembers reached the shore, the crew being extremely indebted to the chickens, decided not to bring to public scrutiny, the alleged feather dipping.

From: Hayfork Mama


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